grrr, argh

Jun. 19th, 2010 09:02 pm
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Someone has posted something on my flist that is streeeeeetccchhhiiinnnnnggggg it but I can't ID what or who it is. Often times someone has posted something like EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE only stretched a bazillion times longer and my layout just accomodates shit like that like it's an every day thing. Not cool, layout. Not cool. So I have to wait for whatever post it was to move its way down and onto the next page.

Eating and weight issues aside I've been beseiged with feelings lately. I've been very emotional, up and down, and it's been so draining. I'm not sure why or what's causing it. Usually I can say, "okay, I'm tired and I'm stressed and that's why I'm reacting the way I am" or whatever, I cry or give myself a stern talking to and I'm over it.

I've been very stressed this week with work and just.... other things and I've been kind of on the verge of being able to cry but I haven't gotten there yet. I'm avoiding that, as well, to a point and I don't know. It'll make me feel better but I think part of me is resisting for when I really, really need it. Because I don't think the worst has come just yet. Part of me thinks that I'm falling into a bit of depression again and that scares me.

I think my whole life right now is tired. I don't feel very much like I fit in anywhere, I don't particularly like my job right now, I'm stuck in a bit of a rut creatively and in pretty much every other way. There are lots of things I want to do right now but when it comes time to do it I'm very unmotivated.

I'm excited for New York but at the same time some of the excitement feels a bit forced.

I don't even know anymore. I need a change, for sure, but I'm not sure when it's coming or what it is. It's coming but I need to push through this crap in my head first.

So, in conclusion, please stop stretching out my layout, random post on my flist.
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--> There are two attractive young men helping my uncle tear the siding off the house. They have been working for a few days now. Today I came home to hear music coming from upstairs, where only I reside. In my room is now a GIANT hole where my window and wall WAS and instead was scaffolding, my uncle and the two aforementioned attractive young men. In my room/window/just outside. My room where I have a life-size standee of Bella, Jacob and Edward from new moon, a full garbage can and dirty underwear in the clothes basket.


Oh, and? I'm going to have plywood over the giant hole for possibly a few weeks. UGH.

--> Y'know, if you're going to crosspost icons and then not post teasers because of spoilers but half of your icons are facial close ups and completely unidentifiable from any other episode of the show... just don't. Post teasers.

--> We had a couple young people pass away so their obits were in our paper. They prompted my supervisor to ask us today what we thought we would look like in heaven. I said people would probably look like how they did when they were happiest in their lives. Which made me think about the concept of heaven and afterlife and I realized when I think about "after" it's a rather murky place. Not in feeling or to prompt fear but more as a waiting area. Not purgatory, just... kind of like waiting in line at some government office. Boring and tedious, than anything. And then I'll come back. I don't want to say be reincarnated because I'm not spiritual like that but I truly believe that I'll come back in my next life, and the next and etc, etc.

I can't say why I think this because I really don't know. It's just a feeling I have. And it pisses me off because, to be honest, I don't WANT to come back. I don't want to fade into non-existance or anything but the idea that I'm going to come back and have to relive things at this point seems so tiring.

There's no reason for writing this, I just wanted to record it for my own thoughts since it was a bit of a realization today. I believe that whatever people believe in is exactly what will happen for them in life/after life, so yeah.

--> Had some weirdness today over an email from a friend. It's something I've been trying to figure out how to deal with for a few months now but didn't realize I was still SO bothered by until he sent me a slap-dash email today. It brought all my kinda-anger back up so now I have to think about what I'm going to say to explain why I'm angry and how to do it in a way that doesn't make me seem crazy. Boys.

--> Started watching Community on Sunday night and finished first season Monday evening. LOVED IT! It was so funny! I lawled numerous times and enjoyed myself a lot. I'm also an episode into Modern Family, too, and I would be continuing it tonight if, like, I could go into my room and all.
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When I opened this morning I found someone's 'to do' list crumpled up and left in out overnight drop box. I would have thrown it out but something on it caught my eye.

Someone needed to pick up their dry cleaning, book someone's engagement announcement, get 6 bags of white rock from Home Depot, etc.

Near the top as their appointment for their mammogram at 2:45pm. This was not crossed off.

A couple notes under was 'smokes', and it was crossed off.

Hmmm. Other people's notes are funny.

Now, to bed! *collapses*
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Does anyone know where I could find awesome ambient sounds? I found this one and the most awesome one there for me is the pencil.

This is going to sound really weird but I'd like to find some construction-type noises. Like things being hammered. I love that sound, especially when I'm relaxing or even sleeping.

On tonight's new 'The Office' )

I think I might be posting Friday the 13th caps later. They're HY-UDGE.

oh yeah

Dec. 27th, 2008 03:52 pm
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I have a new chair for my computer and Uno/Skipbo for the DS.

There is a good chance I might be 65 and loving it.

The cousin is here now. I am thus far unimpressed but nothing massively annoying has happened as yet.
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Hey World of Warcraft players: Mila Kunis might have been/be in your guild. She says in this vid that she's been out of it for a year but yeah, she played and she was into it. I heart her.

This is hysterical. It's kind of like those scare things people send you on the computer that say something like "Watch closely for the ghost" and then a scary face will pop up and scream. It's NOTHING LIKE THAT, but the feeling is the same and you end up laughing your face off after.

Vote at [ profile] supernatur_lims here.

I put my new desk together today. My fingers hurt from using that damn allan tool thing they send with it to build and my back hurts but I've done it and I really like it. It came with a 3 level shelf as well, all for $100 so awesome! This also means that tomorrow I can go buy organizational things (paper sorter or something of the like and a pen cup), which excites me to no end.

Next on my purchase agenda: a new bed set. I've had this comforter for about three years now and it's just green on one side, blue on the other. Time for a change. I haven't decided if I want to buy something I kind of like or make something that I DO like but might not be successful because I made it. We'll see, I guess.
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I heard a bit of a ruckus outside, coming from the neighbour's yard, and thought they were playing with a dog because I heard growling and stuff.

I looked and the dad's just playing with his toddler.

They're playing fetch.

How's everyone else's day?
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If I see another promo for Hancock it might make me NOT want to see the damn thing. And I heart Will Smith. Even if he might be a crazy Scientologist now. DAMN YOU TOM CRUISE!

Now I get to go for dinner and then fireworks at 11pm! Yayz.

I need to delete all my icons again.
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I'm supposed to be in class right now but Jen (my roommate) and I left WAY early. Like- 2.5 hours of 3 early. It's a stupid, bullshit class where we do bullshit stuff so Jen and I were like- we understand what's going on so we're working on it at home.

Since the beginning of the semester, in January, we've been working on this PR plan for a fictional hospital. We have a series of tasks to do to get said hospital ready for a massive fund raising drive in 2010. So we've been listing ways to achieve each task, setting a budget and time line for them and appointing one of three employees to get them done. Right now we're on the step to write up a job description for each of the three employees, based on the tasks we've assigned them.

WE'VE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE JANUARY. Want to know the most maddening part? SOME PEOPLE IN MY CLASS STILL DON'T GET IT. This thing is due next Wednesday so I'll take a half hour out over the weekend or something and finish it. Insanity. This programme was NOT meant for people who have already been through university or been working and understand the concept of REAL pressure and deadlines.

The real reason for this post? When I woke up this morning I was in that floaty place where I could hear the music from my alarm but I could easily have slept through it, too. But my brain decided to say, "BRB, posting to"

:| :| :|

I HAVE NO IDEA. That's seriously what woke me up. I wasn't dreaming, I was just waking up and for some reason my brain decided to send THAT through my head. Weirdest thing ever.
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I just broke one of the arms off my glasses. :( I can still wear them with the one arm but they're more crooked than usual (glasses sit retardedly crooked on my head as one ear is freakishly higher than the other). I have another set and I was thinking of getting a new pair since these ones are from my old prescription, but still. :(

Guess it's a sign I should get a new pair. Or that I shouldn't be waving them around trying to get them unfogged when I stepped out of -18 degree weather.

Oh, yeah

Dec. 31st, 2007 12:03 am
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So, today I went to the city to see friends.

01) I locked my keys in the car 10 minutes into getting into the city. My first time back in over a year and I LOCK MY KEYS IN THE FUCKING CAR. A 10-minute wait, 45 seconds of actual work and 40$ later I was back IN my car.

02) The one thing I REALLY wanted to do while I was there was eat at the BEST Mexican place ever. They were not open at 1pm. They were not open at 2pm, as the man with metal teeth told my friends and I. They WERE open at 3pm and that's when I had to start my journey home. I CAME 2600KMS WITH THE INTENT OF EATING MEXICAN FOOD. :(

03) I think part of one of my broken teeth fell out tonight while I was eating a bagel and I ate it with said bagel. This is the SECOND time in my life I've done this. Second time in the past five years, at that.


All in all it was a good day because I got to see friends. It was just hella weird.

Resolutions and whatnot to come tomorrow, I think. I'm actually making some rather vague ones this year!
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- It's Friday and I get to sleep in tomorrow
- I'm in my jammies with a blanket over me
- I have chocolate cream pie
- The Godfather is on
- I have AWESOME caps to icon with
- I'm dling new fonts
- I have new hair (now maybe no one will call me emo!)
- I have an idea for a Sam/Ruby fic. YES. A SAM/RUBY FIC. It's kinda eating my brain.
- My mom is taking a week off when I come home for Christmas *wibbles*
- I bought an awesome hat


*hugs you all*
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How easily I've adapted to thinking in terms of "it's only 32 C today!" when it could be 35-38 C. If there's one thing I really, really enjoy about being out here, it's the heat.

The Simpsons movie was pretty fun last night. I think I'm going to see HP5 again tomorrow night. AND! Right now HMV has the first two Bourne movies (the Bourne Identity and the Bourne Supremacy) on for 16.99$ in a fancy double pack! I started watching the first movie last night before I passed out from exhaustion. Matt Damon? HOT in that movie. HOT.

How's everyone else today? Anything exciting happening? I'm off to get blood work done.


Jun. 17th, 2007 03:32 pm
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Seems as though there's a tornado warning for my neck of the woods.

Should I be blown away to parts unknown I just want you all to know that I love you, I'll try to land the house on as many wicked witches as possible and it's been a slice.

Should I NOT be blown away I'm going to get chinese food for dinner, try to finish capping the last three episodes of SPN s1, maybe post some icons and do some community pimping.

*goes to see if there's a pair of red shoes kicking around to sub for ruby slippers*

Think they'll accept a pair of sparky blue flats, instead?
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Well, this is it, I guess. My last post of 2006. Unless I start spamming everyone tonight. I might. We'll see. I have a fic to write and a banner to make and icons to tinker with. Whatevs.

I'm strangely un-retrospective about this year than I ever have. Maybe it's because of the weird place I find myself in life right now (kind of like limbo for the living, in a way) or the fact that I don't really know what I'm doing out here or whatever but there's not that much for me to say here.

I haven't really made any resolutions for myself. I want to be a better person. I've been trying to uncover parts of myself since I've made the move and decide who I am and who I WANT to be and WHERE I want to be and the bottom line is I want to be a better person. So I'm going to work on that. I want to be healthy and happy and make some friends and find a place for myself in the new year. It doesn't have to be THE place for me but I'd like to know I fit in somewhere and that I'm wanted.

I'd like to do more fannish things. I have a to-write list about a mile long that includes, but is not limited to: Jared getting married, Jared and Jensen the hockey players, a Buffy-esque "Normal Again" fic for the boys, and numerous other things I have started on my HD that haven't been finished yet. I'd like to maybe try to get to the Vancouver meet-up this summer (I think it's this summer?) or out there in general. Or maybe to New York. Somewhere. It might be nice to travel. And meet up with people!

I want a new computer and perhaps a new digital camera. Those are goals to work toward. Esepcially right now before I have to start paying back my student loans. I'd like to start paying off my student loans, actually.

But yeah. Basically it all comes down to wanting to be a better person and happy about myself. That's all that matters right now.

How about everyone else? Got any big plans for the new year for yourself? Resolutions or otherwise? More importantly- are you doing anything tonight? If you're not, want to come to a New Years chat or something? Leave your AIM SN here and I'll bring you in and we can ring in the new year together! I don't have anything planned because I don't know anyone out here and I thought it might be nice. :)

So, Happy New Year everyone! May 2007 be bright and cheerful and fannish (non-wanky fannish, please) and fun!


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