QaF RPS: Randy, King of the Underwears
Apr. 25th, 2005 04:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fun_like_thatTitle: Randy, King of the Underwears or, Crotch Sniffers Unite, Part Deux.
Pairing: Randy/Gale, Randy/Simon
Rating: PG-13, I guess.
Disclaimer: I don't know these people. If they did they'd already have a restraining order against me, don't you think?
Summary: Randy STILL rules the intarwebs. Indeed. Sequel to Randy, King of the Internets.
A/N: Jesus fuck. I blame this totally on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
xmirax. There wasn't going to be a sequel or second part or anything else for this piece of crack heaven. And then xmirax and the Fcuk Chat happened. Unbetaed, 1600-ish words. *facepalm* I'm also working on March to make up for this travesty so I can post February. So very sorry for this.
Simon left him.
Finding out he was bidding for Gale's thong on Ebay had done him in. Randy was sure he'd known about the pants and even the coat but finding out he was bidding on his ex-co-worker's used underwear in an online auction had been too much for him to handle.
So as Simon moved out of their apartment Randy kept one eye on him and one on the laptop that was open on the coffee table, waiting for the next notification. He knew somewhere, deep down, that his priorities were a little mixed up but at this very moment he was in a furious battle over one of the suits that Gale had worn in season three that he remembered being incredibly soft against his skin.
"This is it," Simon announced as he carried the last box to the door. He left it by the door and stepped into the living room slowly. "Randy?"
"Hmm?" Randy looked up, surprised.
Simon snorted, disgusted. "I'm leaving now, Randy."
"Oh," he looked down at his hands for a moment. "I'm... sorry?"
"How did you get this way? When did you go off the deep end? Did the show mean that much to you that it ending has driven you over the edge?" Simon exploded.
"Nothing wrong with wanting a few memories," Randy told him defensively.
"Memories is one thing, being able to re-create him through clothing is quite another." Simon paused and then it dawned on him. "Randy, this is insane. Do you know what's wrong with you?"
"What, Simon? What's wrong with me?" Randy replied, tiredly.
"You're in love with him."
"With who?" Randy sputtered.
"Gale! You're in love with Gale! So why don't you turn off the computer and call him?"
"Simon," Randy started, as if talking to a three year old. "I'm just gathering a few things from the set, that's all. I can't call Gale up out of the blue and tell him I've been in love with him for the past five years. That's crazy! He'll think I'm insane!"
Simon blinked, then turned around, picked up his box and left the apartment, muttering all the way.
Randy shrugged and returned to the computer.
____________________________
Five days later Randy hadn't left the apartment. He carried the laptop with him to the kitchen, the hallway to get the paper, the bathroom- sending thanks to the wireless gods that allowed him to monitor his bidding status anywhere in the apartment.
He was locked in a fierce bidding battle with another bidder, Fanphobic420, over a white undershirt. He had to have this shirt, Gale's shirt.
For hours he upped and re-upped the price on the shirt as Fanphobic420 kept meeting his prices. He grew increasingly frustrated at this bidder's persistence and considered giving up but now it was too late, he was too invested.
For a brief moment he realized just how weird this was, a twenty-seven year old grown man sitting in his living room in hi pyjamas frantically bidding online on an old undershirt, and then he heard the *ping* from his email, signalling another bid notification and he was lost again.
Six hours later he was still bidding, sweating out the last few moments of the auction. He had the high bid for the moment but he knew- KNEW- that Fanphobic420 was waiting for those last few seconds to place his final bid.
Randy was ready.
He won the shirt by ten dollars with three seconds to spare. He slumped down into the couch cushions and breathed a sigh of relief, the nagging feeling like he'd finally hit rock bottom hovering around him. He slept soundly that night, however. And returned to the computer in the morning.
Fanphobic420 was back and bidding on his other auctions.
This clearly meant war.
Randy fully recognized the signs of insanity now, accepted them and adapted around them. He promised himself that once this week was over- once he'd won he would stop, he'd seek help, he'd try to get his life back on track. But for now he was determined to outbid Fanphobic420.
He won three of the five auctions he was bidding in. Fanphobic420 had bested him once and both had been taken off guard by another bidder on the last auction. Randy turned off his computer with a shaky hand and went to take a shower. He collapsed in bed with visions of Gale talking in chatspeak in his head.
For two days he stayed away from the computer, resisting the urge to find something else that belonged to Gale and make sure he owned it. He got out of the apartment and interacted with actual humans.
He had to shield his eyes from the harsh sunlight when he stepped outside for the first time.
Sunday evening he checked his email. He deleted the hundreds of notifications piled up in his inbox and purged the junk mail. Then he noticed it. An email from Fanphobic420 to his King of the Internets account. He knew listing his email was a bad idea.
KOI
I was bidding against you in the auctions this week. I was wondering if you would consider letting me buy everything you've won in the past few weeks for the same price you paid for them? It's important that I have these items. Please contact me ASAP.
Fanphobic420
Randy snorted to himself. Yeah, right. As if he'd just give everything up after all the crap he'd gone through. Who did this person think he was?
"What a nut job," he muttered to himself.
He put away his computer and went to make room in his closet for the rest of Gale's clothes that would be arriving that week.
___________
"Just a second," Randy yelled hoarsely as he stumbled out of his room, half asleep. He had been woken up by someone pounding on his front door later in the week, refusing to go away. He scratched his bare chest as he made his way to the door, his pants twisted strangely about his waist. He finally opened the door, scrubbing at his eye with the back of a hand.
"Randy?"
"Yeah?" He blinked and finally focused on the other person. "Gale?"
"Randy?" Gale looked down at a piece of paper in his hand and at the number on the door. "Did you just move here?"
"In March. What are you doing here? How did you find me?" Randy asked. They hadn't talked since the wrap party in March, unconsciously deciding to keep each other unaware of their future plans. To give each other a clean break they'd decided at the time, although Randy was sure it was to avoid temptation.
"You seriously live here?" Gale poked his head in the door and looked around. Randy stared at him.
"Are you stoned?"
"Of course I am. Seriously?"
"Yes, Gale. I live here. Reside, dwell, exist."
"Are you- do you- I mean... Can I come in?" Gale stuttered. Randy stood back and let him shuffle through the door.
"Want some coffee?" Randy asked. Gale stared at him. Randy waved his hand in front of Gale's face. "Gale? Coffee?" Gale nodded, then followed Randy into the kitchen and watched him prepare the coffee maker.
"So how did you find me?" Randy asked, trying to be nonchalant.
"It was an accident," Gale told him.
"Oh," Randy was disappointed. "What were you looking for then?"
"Er- someone. Just someone." Gale looked around the room. "Nice place. Where's Simon."
"Right. Uh, he's gone."
"Gone?"
"Yeah, we broke up." Randy busied himself with getting out the milk and sugar.
"Any reason why?" Gale asked, curious.
Randy shrugged. "Different priorities. So why were you looking for 'someone'? And how did you find your way here?"
Gale ignored the change of topic. "Well, to be totally honest, I don't know who I'm looking for. Which is why it's weird I'm here. I'm trying to get to the bottom of some weird shit that's been going down with some online auction business, is all. I've been in contact with someone involved in this mess directly but they didn't respond to my email. So I got an address from some digging online and through a cop friend."
Randy fiddled with the mugs, suddenly nervous. "You know, why don't we go out instead? We can grab some breakfast or something and talk?"
Gale shrugged. "If that's what you want."
Randy nodded, forcing a smile. "Great, I'll go get dressed. You just... stay here."
Gale watched Randy hurry out of the room. He heard the shower start. He pulled the paper out of his pocket that had brought him to Randy's apartment and wondered how his friend had gotten it wrong. Probably some joke his buddy thought would be fun to play on him. Ha ha.
He wandered out of the room and gave himself a mini-tour of the apartment. He wondered why Simon left. He was insane, in Gale's mind. Randy was... He stopped himself before he could finish that sentence. That wasn't why he was here, after all.
He wandered into the living room and saw Randy's laptop on the coffee table. He glanced at the bits of paper spread around- a few scribbles here and there, a letter, some bills. A credit card bill. His eyes narrowed at a few charges and he stood up straight.
He moved slowly to Randy's room. He ignored the unmade bed, the dirty clothes on the floor. He pulled Randy's closet door open.
The shower stopped.
Randy called out from the bathroom. "Hey, what do you say to going to breakfast and then maybe doing some shopping, or going to the park for the zoo? Or maybe-"
"Randy?" Gale cut him off.
"Yeah?"
"Why were you bidding against me on Ebay and, more importantly, why do you have my thong in your closet?"
Continue to Gale and Randy, Supreme Rulers and Overlords of the Intranets.
Pairing: Randy/Gale, Randy/Simon
Rating: PG-13, I guess.
Disclaimer: I don't know these people. If they did they'd already have a restraining order against me, don't you think?
Summary: Randy STILL rules the intarwebs. Indeed. Sequel to Randy, King of the Internets.
A/N: Jesus fuck. I blame this totally on
xmirax. There wasn't going to be a sequel or second part or anything else for this piece of crack heaven. And then xmirax and the Fcuk Chat happened. Unbetaed, 1600-ish words. *facepalm* I'm also working on March to make up for this travesty so I can post February. So very sorry for this.Simon left him.
Finding out he was bidding for Gale's thong on Ebay had done him in. Randy was sure he'd known about the pants and even the coat but finding out he was bidding on his ex-co-worker's used underwear in an online auction had been too much for him to handle.
So as Simon moved out of their apartment Randy kept one eye on him and one on the laptop that was open on the coffee table, waiting for the next notification. He knew somewhere, deep down, that his priorities were a little mixed up but at this very moment he was in a furious battle over one of the suits that Gale had worn in season three that he remembered being incredibly soft against his skin.
"This is it," Simon announced as he carried the last box to the door. He left it by the door and stepped into the living room slowly. "Randy?"
"Hmm?" Randy looked up, surprised.
Simon snorted, disgusted. "I'm leaving now, Randy."
"Oh," he looked down at his hands for a moment. "I'm... sorry?"
"How did you get this way? When did you go off the deep end? Did the show mean that much to you that it ending has driven you over the edge?" Simon exploded.
"Nothing wrong with wanting a few memories," Randy told him defensively.
"Memories is one thing, being able to re-create him through clothing is quite another." Simon paused and then it dawned on him. "Randy, this is insane. Do you know what's wrong with you?"
"What, Simon? What's wrong with me?" Randy replied, tiredly.
"You're in love with him."
"With who?" Randy sputtered.
"Gale! You're in love with Gale! So why don't you turn off the computer and call him?"
"Simon," Randy started, as if talking to a three year old. "I'm just gathering a few things from the set, that's all. I can't call Gale up out of the blue and tell him I've been in love with him for the past five years. That's crazy! He'll think I'm insane!"
Simon blinked, then turned around, picked up his box and left the apartment, muttering all the way.
Randy shrugged and returned to the computer.
____________________________
Five days later Randy hadn't left the apartment. He carried the laptop with him to the kitchen, the hallway to get the paper, the bathroom- sending thanks to the wireless gods that allowed him to monitor his bidding status anywhere in the apartment.
He was locked in a fierce bidding battle with another bidder, Fanphobic420, over a white undershirt. He had to have this shirt, Gale's shirt.
For hours he upped and re-upped the price on the shirt as Fanphobic420 kept meeting his prices. He grew increasingly frustrated at this bidder's persistence and considered giving up but now it was too late, he was too invested.
For a brief moment he realized just how weird this was, a twenty-seven year old grown man sitting in his living room in hi pyjamas frantically bidding online on an old undershirt, and then he heard the *ping* from his email, signalling another bid notification and he was lost again.
Six hours later he was still bidding, sweating out the last few moments of the auction. He had the high bid for the moment but he knew- KNEW- that Fanphobic420 was waiting for those last few seconds to place his final bid.
Randy was ready.
He won the shirt by ten dollars with three seconds to spare. He slumped down into the couch cushions and breathed a sigh of relief, the nagging feeling like he'd finally hit rock bottom hovering around him. He slept soundly that night, however. And returned to the computer in the morning.
Fanphobic420 was back and bidding on his other auctions.
This clearly meant war.
Randy fully recognized the signs of insanity now, accepted them and adapted around them. He promised himself that once this week was over- once he'd won he would stop, he'd seek help, he'd try to get his life back on track. But for now he was determined to outbid Fanphobic420.
He won three of the five auctions he was bidding in. Fanphobic420 had bested him once and both had been taken off guard by another bidder on the last auction. Randy turned off his computer with a shaky hand and went to take a shower. He collapsed in bed with visions of Gale talking in chatspeak in his head.
For two days he stayed away from the computer, resisting the urge to find something else that belonged to Gale and make sure he owned it. He got out of the apartment and interacted with actual humans.
He had to shield his eyes from the harsh sunlight when he stepped outside for the first time.
Sunday evening he checked his email. He deleted the hundreds of notifications piled up in his inbox and purged the junk mail. Then he noticed it. An email from Fanphobic420 to his King of the Internets account. He knew listing his email was a bad idea.
KOI
I was bidding against you in the auctions this week. I was wondering if you would consider letting me buy everything you've won in the past few weeks for the same price you paid for them? It's important that I have these items. Please contact me ASAP.
Fanphobic420
Randy snorted to himself. Yeah, right. As if he'd just give everything up after all the crap he'd gone through. Who did this person think he was?
"What a nut job," he muttered to himself.
He put away his computer and went to make room in his closet for the rest of Gale's clothes that would be arriving that week.
___________
"Just a second," Randy yelled hoarsely as he stumbled out of his room, half asleep. He had been woken up by someone pounding on his front door later in the week, refusing to go away. He scratched his bare chest as he made his way to the door, his pants twisted strangely about his waist. He finally opened the door, scrubbing at his eye with the back of a hand.
"Randy?"
"Yeah?" He blinked and finally focused on the other person. "Gale?"
"Randy?" Gale looked down at a piece of paper in his hand and at the number on the door. "Did you just move here?"
"In March. What are you doing here? How did you find me?" Randy asked. They hadn't talked since the wrap party in March, unconsciously deciding to keep each other unaware of their future plans. To give each other a clean break they'd decided at the time, although Randy was sure it was to avoid temptation.
"You seriously live here?" Gale poked his head in the door and looked around. Randy stared at him.
"Are you stoned?"
"Of course I am. Seriously?"
"Yes, Gale. I live here. Reside, dwell, exist."
"Are you- do you- I mean... Can I come in?" Gale stuttered. Randy stood back and let him shuffle through the door.
"Want some coffee?" Randy asked. Gale stared at him. Randy waved his hand in front of Gale's face. "Gale? Coffee?" Gale nodded, then followed Randy into the kitchen and watched him prepare the coffee maker.
"So how did you find me?" Randy asked, trying to be nonchalant.
"It was an accident," Gale told him.
"Oh," Randy was disappointed. "What were you looking for then?"
"Er- someone. Just someone." Gale looked around the room. "Nice place. Where's Simon."
"Right. Uh, he's gone."
"Gone?"
"Yeah, we broke up." Randy busied himself with getting out the milk and sugar.
"Any reason why?" Gale asked, curious.
Randy shrugged. "Different priorities. So why were you looking for 'someone'? And how did you find your way here?"
Gale ignored the change of topic. "Well, to be totally honest, I don't know who I'm looking for. Which is why it's weird I'm here. I'm trying to get to the bottom of some weird shit that's been going down with some online auction business, is all. I've been in contact with someone involved in this mess directly but they didn't respond to my email. So I got an address from some digging online and through a cop friend."
Randy fiddled with the mugs, suddenly nervous. "You know, why don't we go out instead? We can grab some breakfast or something and talk?"
Gale shrugged. "If that's what you want."
Randy nodded, forcing a smile. "Great, I'll go get dressed. You just... stay here."
Gale watched Randy hurry out of the room. He heard the shower start. He pulled the paper out of his pocket that had brought him to Randy's apartment and wondered how his friend had gotten it wrong. Probably some joke his buddy thought would be fun to play on him. Ha ha.
He wandered out of the room and gave himself a mini-tour of the apartment. He wondered why Simon left. He was insane, in Gale's mind. Randy was... He stopped himself before he could finish that sentence. That wasn't why he was here, after all.
He wandered into the living room and saw Randy's laptop on the coffee table. He glanced at the bits of paper spread around- a few scribbles here and there, a letter, some bills. A credit card bill. His eyes narrowed at a few charges and he stood up straight.
He moved slowly to Randy's room. He ignored the unmade bed, the dirty clothes on the floor. He pulled Randy's closet door open.
The shower stopped.
Randy called out from the bathroom. "Hey, what do you say to going to breakfast and then maybe doing some shopping, or going to the park for the zoo? Or maybe-"
"Randy?" Gale cut him off.
"Yeah?"
"Why were you bidding against me on Ebay and, more importantly, why do you have my thong in your closet?"
Continue to Gale and Randy, Supreme Rulers and Overlords of the Intranets.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 07:23 am (UTC)And gah. You keep doing cliffhangery endings. That must mean that at least subconciously, you want to write more crackfic.:P
*loves this to death*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 07:47 am (UTC)It would have been interesting, though, to hear both of them freak out when the auction for the thong was pulled from eBay. LOL (BTW, I just did a quick search to see if they've listed it again... I searched for "Brian thong" and I ended up with a bunch of listings for karaoke music and The Nutty Professor II - The Klumps... WTF?!?)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 06:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 08:08 am (UTC)And um....you think YOU have problems:
cheekylittletwat: askld;ghas; POOR SIMON
toxikae: AL;SDKL;ASD POOR LITTLE POOKIE
toxikae: HES ALL *MOVES OUT*
toxikae: AND RANDYS ALL *FOCUSES ON COMPUTER*
toxikae: AL;DKL;ASD
cheekylittletwat: Randy should like, knock Gale unconscious and then tie him up in his bed. and Gale can wake up and be all *struggles* and Randy's all "I'm sorry I had to do that, Gale, but it's just too dangerous to let you out now that you know what you know, you know?"
toxikae: asl;dkasl;dklas;das
toxikae: and Gale is all "this is so unfair, ya know! omg ya know"
cheekylittletwat: Randy's all "you'll grow to love it" and then offers him a joint
toxikae: al;dkl;askd;alsd
toxikae: and hes all *tokes* and relaxes a little
cheekylittletwat: and his cats "entertain" Gale while he's out running errands
toxikae: a;kl;askdlas
cheekylittletwat: Gale teaches them how to perform fairly decent fellatio
toxikae: asd;laksl;dasl;kdsd
cheekylittletwat: He's all "heeere, kitty kitty"
toxikae: Randy walks in and is all :| whilst watching Ella all *LICKS UP GALES SHAFT*
cheekylittletwat: And Ella's like "mrrrr"
cheekylittletwat: They both like, take a side
toxikae: L;AKSL;DKASKDL;ASD
cheekylittletwat: And their tongues are scratchy so Gale's all :">
toxikae: Ella likes the left
cheekylittletwat: adkl;ahgl;ask
cheekylittletwat: asl;kgdh;alghsl;aghd;alghsdkl;ghakl;sdhgal;ksdghasgdhk
toxikae: aldkasl;dasd Aggie is all "meh, cock is cock"
cheekylittletwat: I can't stop laughing now
cheekylittletwat: Why the left? :))
toxikae: alsdkl;asdasd its less veiny
cheekylittletwat: askldghakl;hsdagghagdhsag OMFG
toxikae: Randy can join in
toxikae: suck on the head whilst Ella and Aggie are all *licks up from the base*
toxikae: asl;dkal;sd
cheekylittletwat: AAAAHHHHHHHH
toxikae: seriously need help omg
cheekylittletwat: He'd be all "no kitties, it's time for daddy to play"
cheekylittletwat: And like throw catnip at them
toxikae: L;KAL;SDKASL;D
toxikae: we should post this as a reply
cheekylittletwat: askld;ghakl;g WAS JUST THINKING OF THAT
cheekylittletwat: SHE WOULD KILL US BOTH
toxikae: AL;DKAS;LD SHE WOULD OMG
*AHEM*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 08:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-04-25 08:16 am (UTC)You two would fit in amazingly well in the Fcuk Chat.
*cuddles comment*
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Date: 2005-04-25 08:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 08:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 06:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-04-25 11:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-29 06:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 03:10 pm (UTC)"Of course I am. Seriously?"
Of course he is!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-03 09:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 03:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-01 07:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 03:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-01 07:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 05:39 pm (UTC)More, pleeeeease. :D
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 08:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 11:36 am (UTC)I don't remember if I commented on part 1, but they were both really funny!! XD
Fanphobic420 is the perfect Gale screen name! This really tickled be since I've been
secretlyhypothesizing that Randy was indeed the thong high bidder! :DGreat story!!
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Date: 2005-05-03 03:15 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 02:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-26 06:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-03 03:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 05:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-03 09:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 10:25 pm (UTC)YOU HAVE MADE ME THE HAPPIEST PERSON ALIVE <3!
YOU MADE A SECOND PART AND ZOMG YOU SUCK! SO BAD FOR THIS!
THERE WILL BE ANOTHER PART?
BECAUSE IF THERE ISNT I REFUSE TO MOLEST YOU ANYMORE! *IS STUBBORN* BUT IF THERE IS! I WILL STALK YOU AND HUMP YOUR LEGS FOREVA! *SERIOUS*
ZOMG! YOUAREMYCRACK!
<3'S
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-27 11:20 pm (UTC)Mari Mari Mari...
You are brilliant evil genius, that's what you are. I LOVE KINGOFINTERNETS!RANDY!!! And FanPhobic420?!? So perfect on all counts. MORE MORE MORE!!! We need more...
That is all. Oh, and February too.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-05-03 03:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-29 02:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-29 05:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-29 07:33 pm (UTC)Like, for serious I want to see the next chapter. Like, now.
You're a very clever girl (and I'm assuming you are), you know that?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-30 05:27 pm (UTC)This is fabulous and hilarious. It's the best explainaion I've seen yet for the super-high prices of the ebay items i've seen lately.